My Story

I experienced my first miscarriage on Super Bowl Sunday 2015. My husband and I hadn’t been trying all that long and we were excited to tell friends and family.

I remember sitting in the hospital for hours that Sunday, not knowing what was happening to the baby I hoped was still growing inside my belly.
My doctor at the time, and her office had terrible bedside manner, as I recall the Ultra Sound Technician saying to me, “I’m not sure what you were expecting to see here today, but there is no pregnancy.”
The doctor went on to tell my husband and I that this is totally normal and happens to plenty of couples who go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies after.

They made it seem like this was just a tiny blip on my radar of life.

But it was so much more than that.
I was surrounded by loving, well-intended family and friends who unfortunately for all of us, didn’t quite know how to support me and my husband.

I had a very extended period of unexplained infertility and didn’t get pregnant again until early November 2016. I remember taking about 8 pregnancy tests that morning because I just couldn’t believe I was finally pregnant again after more than a year and a half of trying.

We were getting ready for a move and celebrating our wedding anniversary when I started bleeding again.

This time, I decided I had too much going on to grieve and if I kept busy, I’d get better.

When that didn’t happen, I found myself in a dark place I’d spent so much time in during those couple of years, it started to feel like home.

After my second miscarriage, I was considered “high-risk” and qualified for fertility tests, and my husband and I were hopeful we’d get some answers and whatever the problem was, be able to fix it and finally move on from this terrible chapter in our lives.

What we were left with was more questions than answers. All of our results came back totally normal. I remember being made to feel, again, like this was something normal that happened.

But there was no one who understood what I was going through, and no one could tell me how to start to move forward. I felt stuck in a deep state of depression, emotional and mental anguish and an internal narrative full of blame, self-doubt and despair.

We were blessed with our one-hit-wonder rainbow baby, who was born in 2019.

When we decided to start trying for baby number 2, we got pregnant rather quickly and I was confident that maybe all those doctors were right, it was just a bout of bad luck. I got pregnant for the fourth time December 2021 and got in to see my OBGYN quickly due to my history to ensure everything was tracking properly.

It was December 21st when I got the blood work that my levels weren’t increasing the way they were supposed to and I had a sinking feeling in my gut. I remember spending a lot of time walking outside in those dark weeks of December. I remember praying to God that if I was just able to keep this baby, I would devote my whole life to ensuring they never felt a moment of pain or suffering.
It was Christmas Eve when I started bleeding and I knew it was over. I had to plaster on a happy face for my then 2 year old son and pretend I wasn’t experiencing death within my own body for the third time.

Once I recovered, we spent most of 2022 trying to have a baby, getting more tests done with still few answers, and very hopeful fertility treatments. I was constantly told by my doctors and nurses how great everything looked, how there should be no reason we wouldn’t have a successful treatment - and we’d likely even end up with multiples!

Except that’s not what happened.

None of our IUI treatments worked.

Unfortunately due to the current state of the American “health care” system, exploring further fertility treatments like IVF were out of reach for us.

My husband and I made the incredibly difficult decision at the end of 2022 to end our family planning journey, even though our family didn’t feel complete.

In 2019, I got myself into therapy and found life coaching. I’ve been a loyal patient of therapy since then and will be as long as there is air in my lungs - I personally believe everyone with a pulse should be in therapy, but that’s a story for a different day.

Life Coaching helped me heal in ways I never imagined possible. I found the secret to understanding and controlling what was going on inside my mind. I learned the power of journaling, quieting my mind and sitting in stillness. I began to understand my own potential and see that I held the keys to unlock my own healing. Life Coaching gave me tangible ways to grieve and process my emotions.

I began coaching working moms, helping them to beat burnout and find greater work/life balance in 2021. I have loved all the women I’ve had the honor of meeting, knowing and supporting.

I’m finally at a place in my own healing journey where I am ready and able to help other women who are suffering from miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

I’m so sorry you’re here, but I’m so glad we found each other.